Australia is out to get you

I've noticed that it's difficult to have a casual conversation here in Australia without somehow getting on the subject of "all the things that can kill you here". We spent NYE at the house of a couple friends, Mark and Matty, who live very close to Coogee Beach. Matty's family was there, and this being Australia we quickly found ourselves discussing lethal sharks, spiders, and snakes. 

Now, no one ever comes right out and says "How are you enjoying Sydney so far? By the way, mate, there's a ton of shit here that will kill you." Rather, you always stumble on the subject unintentionally.

In our case, we got started due to the the helicopters that kept swooping low over the beach. "Shark patrol," Paul, Matty's dad, said. "The bottom of the ocean is white sand all the way out to the end of the shelf where it drops off, so you can see sharks against it pretty easily."

When we told people we were moving here, everyone said "Don't get eaten by sharks." What's ironic is that Florida has way more shark attacks than anywhere else -- 268 sharks attacks over the past decade, accounting for almost 40% of the world's total, while Australia "only" had 115.

Where Australia does win out is with fatal attacks, 13 here versus 4 for Florida. Your survival chances are much better when a Lemon Shark takes a nip on your calf than when a Great White eats your torso. The shark threat here certainly isn't idle. In 2009 a Navy diver lost a hand and part of his leg to aggressive Bull Sharks, which prowl the Sydney harbor and have been found 40 miles up the river that empties into the harbor. A day after that incident a surfer was attacked at Bondi.

Having sufficiently covered sharks, we next moved on to spiders. After hearing about Sharon's encounter with a Huntsman, Paul displayed a finger and pointed out two white bumps. "Scars from the Hunstman's fangs," he said. When you use the word "fangs" to describe a spider's biting apparatus, you know you're dealing with a big sonofabitch.

"I was bitten by a Huntsman 20 years ago," he continued. "I pulled down my car visor and one fell down on my chest. When I grabbed it to throw it out the window, it bit me. When it gets really cold I still lose feeling in my finger." They may not be lethal, but they still carry a punch. Oh, and they can jump. He had seen one in the kitchen the previous night and it was jumping away from him, before finally turning and standing its ground.

Then we heard about the White-tailed Spider, whose venom can cause gangrene. At that moment, our friend Alex spotted a White-tail on the ceiling and calmly trapped it in a glass. He was going to toss it off the balcony, but Sharon and his wife Michelle both took turns screaming "Kill it! Kill it!" They weren't interested in being charitable after learning of its danger. Nothing ruins a good party like gangrene.

The spider excitement behind us, Sharon and I told how we were going hiking in the Blue Mountains, about an hour west of Sydney, when her sister comes in February. "Watch out for snakes," we were warned. And that's how we got to talking about snakes. 

There are about 100 venomous snakes in Australia, and 12 whose venom can kill you. Of the ten deadliest snakes in the world, six reside in Australia. This includes numbers one, the Inland Taipan, and two, the Eastern Brown Snake. Paul once met a guy with an enormous ulcer on his calf and asked what happened. This guy had been bitten by a Brown Snake 18 months earlier and was only now beginning to heal, and he still had the ulcer to show for it. The Brown Snake's venom kills your tissue. He had almost lost the leg and was lucky to be alive.

This converation pattern repeated itself at a friend's engagement party I attended a week ago, but this time instead of stopping at animals we also covered flash floods and fires. It was a very comprehensive discussion.

Fortunately, this is a well documented phenomenon. If you go to Google and type in "things in Australia that" the four auto-complete suggestions provided are:

"things in Australia that are not trying to kill you" (stay away from everything else)

"things in Australia that will kill you" (don't bother resisting; you will be killed if you go)

"things in Australia that can kill you" (able to kill, but not necessarily interested)

"things in Australia that could kill you" (yes, it's possible to kill you)

Consider yourself warned.

And they still smoke...

After living in New York City for over 6 years I have become quite accustom/big fan of the “No Indoor Smoking” policy that was initiated by the amazing Mayor Bloomberg. You can always count on a smoke-free meal or drink at the bar because this policy is tailored to the non-smoker needs. 

After arriving in Australia, we quickly learned that the rule/courtesy does not exist down under. People are allowed to smoke, or do anyways, in bars/pubs. Tons of smokers were in full force just the other night at a restaurant in Bondi where Adam and I were sitting down to have dinner. Ugh! I used to think that nothing bothered me more than cigarette smoke but now I found something that bothers me more… indoor cigarette smoke!!

What struck me as strange is that after noticing just how many people smoke, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out where they were buying their cigarettes because I never saw them sold anywhere. There are no pro-smoking advertisements ANYWHERE and having been in plenty of convenience stores and gas stations I still couldn’t find them there. After a little research on my end I found out that those same stores I had previously been in do indeed sell cigarettes. However, unlike The States they are hidden behind a solid white or black unmarked door! Famous! Not sure if that helps but you know the saying “out of sight out of mind.”

Something that I certainly got a kick out of are the VERY anti-smoking pictures printed directly on the cigarette package; babies dieing, women with breathing apparatuses and a close-up shot of Leukoplakia. Clearly, the manufacturer of these packages has had no say in what goes on the box. Guess they save money by not needing a marketing department.

And they still smoke!
 

Engaged! The Story

Sharon and I had discussed marriage for a while and had even gone to look at rings together, so you might say she was expecting a proposal soon. I of course wanted it to be a complete surprise for her, even if she was expecting it. How would that be possible? That's right: Inception...I had to plant the idea that marriage had never occurred to her. By the time I was done, she wouldn't even know if she was in a dream world or not.

Actually, I just used good old fraud.

 A couple weeks before Christmas, I sent Sharon a link to a website with details about a Sydney-wide scavenger hunt held on Christmas Day. The website, http://sydneyscavenger.com, described how this was an event now in its third year, started initially for all the international backpackers in Sydney who don't have anyone to celebrate Christmas with. A colleague of mine had told me about it and I thought it would be fun since we had nothing else going on. We signed up using the team name "The Huntsman" in honor of Sharon's encounter with Australia's king of the spiders.

This was a completely digital scavenger hunt. Your starting location would be emailed to you the day before the hunt; at the start, a clue would be emailed leading you to a destination where you checked in using Foursquare, a location app; you would then be emailed your next clue if you were at the correct place. Oh, and there were also a bunch of different routes, so no two teams would have the exact same starting point or path to the finish. And there were prizes and an after party at the final location. Pretty cool, right?

We were told via email to be at Sydney's Central train station at 3:00 PM for the start of the hunt. We made it there a couple minutes early and soon received our first clue:

"The Huntsman,
A clue for you:
Take a stroll to the oldest house in Sydney.
-Sydney Scavenger"

After some time plugging away on our smartphones to identify where the oldest house is located (turns out there are many competing "oldest houses" in Sydney) we determined it was the Cleveland House in Surry Hills. So off we raced -- well, I attempted to walk since it was hot and I was wearing flip flops, but Sharon is extremely competitive and made me race as well. We got to the Cleveland House and I checked in on Foursquare. A few minutes later we got our next clue.

"Where artful dodgers serve their time."

Our sleuthing led us to the National Art School, which in an earlier time was known as the Darlinghurst Gaol and hosted several public hangings.

The next clue, "Entry to the dragon", was trickier. It obviously had something to do with Sydney's Chinatown, but we had no idea what. As we made our way to the central part of Chinatown, we saw it: the gates to Chinatown, guarded by two dragon statues. We checked in and received our next email.

"Rub him for luck to avoid the ills of the building he guards."

This was solved quickly, as a few weeks prior we had passed the answer to this riddle and I had stopped to read about it. In front of the oldest hospital in Sydney is a bronze statue of a boar. Rubbing its snout is good luck and keeps you healthy. There we received our next clue.

"Lodging between continents."

Sharon figured this one out right away. "It must be the Intercontinental Hotel," she said, which was only a few blocks away. As we entered the hotel, I said I had to use the restroom and Sharon decided to sit in the lobby and give her feet a rest. Instead of using the restroom, I went to the front desk and checked us in (literally this time) to the hotel.

I went back to where Sharon was sitting and told her I asked the concierge about the scavenger hunt and he told me this was the end. The after party was also being held in the hotel and he gave me a key.

"Let's go up," I said.

"We can't go up," Sharon exclaimed, "we haven't gotten a clue yet! We just can't go up there!"

"No, no, it's fine," I assured her, leading us to the elevator bank and pressing the button. Sharon protested on the ride up to the 20th floor and all the way to the room number marked on the key. I knocked on the door for effect. It was quiet.

"No answer.... Oh well, screw it," I told her and opened the door with the key, letting her walk in first. We were greeted by a giant window overlooking the Harbour Bridge, Opera House, and Botanical Gardens. There was a bottle of champagne and a plate of chocolates on the desk. Sharon was utterly confused, and as she turned around to look at me, I got down on one knee with the ring in my hand.

She started half-laughing, half-crying, still not really getting how we had gone from a scavenger hunt to being in a hotel room with me on one knee holding a diamond ring. "Sharon, will you marry me?" I asked. "Of course I'll marry you," she said through tears.

I finally confessed. "All of this was for you. The entire scavenger hunt was fake."

"What?! How is that possible?!"

I told her there was no reference from a colleague. I bought the website domain and put the website together. I had done research over the previous weeks to determine the clues and locations and then sent all the email clues to myself the day before.


A view from our room.



"A little champagne for the lady?"

"Well, now I know how you solved all the clues so quickly," Sharon said, laughing. "I was thinking you were really good at this."

Sharon had actually bought the deception a little too well. In the days leading up to the scavenger hunt she kept saying we should get more people on our team. She emailed friends the link to the website, asking if they wanted to join us, and even posted it on Facebook. "Crap," I had thought, "what if other people decide to come?" But I didn't want to say anything for fear of making her suspicious. Fortunately no one else could make it, a key benefit of doing the hunt on Christmas.

During the scavenger hunt, we'd pass people on the street looking at their phones and Sharon would yell, "I bet they're doing the scavenger hunt too! We have to hurry, Adam!" I played along the whole time, but could hardly keep from grinning.

Once the scavenger hunt was explained, I told Sharon there was one more surprise: Earlier in the week I had stolen some of her clothes and dropped them off at the hotel earlier in the week. They were now hanging in the closet of our room, and she'd need them for dinner at a restaurant on the harbor later in the evening. 

So we drank a little bubbly, looked out the window at a million dollar view, and laughed about the day before moseying on down to the restaurant, which sat directly across from the Opera House.

And that's where fraud will get you.

Adam asked....

And I said YES!

Happy New Year!

Wishing all of our friends and family around the world a very 

safe and happy new year!